Mindset makes such a huge difference in our everyday lives.
It can be tough to stay motivated. It’s so much easier for us to make the easy choice in the moment, even if we know it will lead to worse outcomes in the long run.
A few years ago, I made a decision that changed everything.
Make every action a gift.
A gift to others. A gift to myself.
My life has completely changed since I made this choice. It’s crazy how much this mindset helps you make the right choice for yourself. Every moment, we make choices about how to spend our time. Choosing to make every action a gift gives us the perspective to make the right choice for ourselves and to do it happily, even when it’s not easy.
Do I wake up early to workout, or do I sleep in? While it certainly feels better in the moment to sleep in, most of the time, that choice does you no favors. You will feel better, have more energy, and be healthier and happier in the long run exercising. So, getting up early to exercise is the kindest choice I can make for myself.
Do I do the dishes now or later? Doing the dishes now is the kindest choice I can make for my future self, so that’s what I do.
I also struggle not to work too much. Since, in addition to my 9-5, I am starting a business, I do have to work more than a traditional 40 hours a week. But knowing when and how long I should work and when I need to step away and be present in my home life has become problematic for me, especially as I have transitioned into working from home, where there is no clear boundary between work and free time.
It can be hard working 60+ hours a week, but this is the easiest choice I’ve had to make. Choosing to work the hours I do is easy because I know why I have made this choice. Never for a moment do I forget why I do this. I know that it is the kindest long-term choice I can make for myself and my family. I spend the extra time building this business because it will allow me to build the future I want for my family – a future where we have choices. Security. Where we don’t ever have to worry about paying the bills and keeping the fridge stocked. In addition to being a gift for my family, it’s a gift for myself.
I am grateful for my 9-5 job because it allows me to pay my bills and show up for my family while I work to build a better future for us, but my job isn’t fulfilling for me. It’s stressful, and I have long since lost the ability to find it interesting. Spending my free time building this business is a gift to myself because it will eventually allow me to spend all my time doing work that is fulfilling and engaging, with more flexibility and financial freedom for my family.
But does that mean I should spend every free moment working? Absolutely not. It’s certainly tempting. The more work I do, the faster I will reach my goals, right?
Not really.
If I don’t ever stop working, I’m not meeting my other needs. I’ll get burned out. Housework will fall behind. I’ll probably get sick. I’m going to get less efficient at the work I do the longer it goes on. It also doesn’t do my marriage any favors. So, if I want to make every action a gift, do I keep working 12 hours into my day? No. It’s the wrong choice for myself and my family. Right now, I’m working to find the right balance. It’s taking some trial and error, but I’ll get there.
So what about making your actions a gift for others?
When someone asks for help, it can be hard to say no. Nine times out of ten, if someone asks me for help, I’m going to say yes. I truly care about helping people, and I wouldn’t like the person I am if I didn’t. However, I have a tendency to do more than I have to give. For some people like me, this is hard because we want to be able to give more than we can. For others, it’s hard to set proper boundaries. Both of these problems lead to acting out of guilt, not out of altruism.
In order to really be there for others, we have to take care of ourselves first. I promise that endlessly sacrificing for someone else at the expense of yourself won’t do you or them any favors. Fill your cup first, then give with what’s left over.
So, how do you determine whether or not it’s time to say no? For me, it’s simple. I check in with myself. Can I genuinely give with an open heart? Will doing this favor for someone make me happy because I’m helping them, or do I dread it because I am tired and stressed and this is just one more thing on my already full plate? If it’s the latter, then it’s time to say no.
This mindset takes work to develop. It can be easy to fall back into old mindsets. I still do. And that’s okay. Every moment is a new beginning and a time for new choices. If you find yourself forgetting this mindset, I recommend writing it down somewhere you will see it often.
Making every action a gift can completely transform your life. Right now is a new beginning. What is the kindest thing you can do for yourself right now? How will you make every action a gift?
